Musings on A Sleepless Night

Perhaps its the fact I can't sleep or maybe just that a slight fear has been looming about my daily life these days with avengance. But since I found out that I had a seziure last week & walked naked through the streets of New York I have been a bit preoccupied to say the least. These grand exestential thoughts have been milling around my head about the nature of my disability & why has something that I have learned to accept & infact embrace has reared its ugly head. I have felt a certain guilt complaiing, however, I have learned over time that I do not have to subscribe to anyone's social convention that having a disability is a part of my life that is a cornerstone of my identity and denying that would be denying a piece of myself. I guess I have been ruminating a lot these days about the meaning of having a disability & how it impacts your life both in good and bad ways. I also have a fear of being unable to control things at the momment. I mean I am taking the best care of myself I could possibly imagine, yet still there is this feeling that lingers. As I continue to ponder this and uncover these feelings I am sure I will share more but thinking about the nature of one's own disability and how that impacts one's own sense of self or self definition is an ongoing question.